Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Two Dads

I wrote a book with that title for a project in 5th grade. Explanation is that my dad isn't my birth father. Most of my friends know that my parents were married before and Kevin is not my biological father. You would never know it though if you saw us together. We don't look identical but not too different either. Its more the way we act. When we are getting along, we're great. When we are disagreeing it can get ugly. Mostly because we are so alike it ticks each other of so much. He has never treated me as anything less then his daughter. He adopted me when I was... well old enough to remember the adoption certificate coming to the post office. Still I am amazed at how many of my personality traits come from him though I would have rather inherited his tanning abilities. I mean the man looks Puerto Rican after 1/2 an hour in the sun. I don't know much about my birth father. I mean I know him about as well as you can know a character in a book. That is what he feels like to me. A fictional chracter. My mom has always been willing to talk about him, and amazingly it has been all good if you take away the part about him takeing off. I also know my biological grandparents and aunts. My grandmother (I call her Bana..don't ask because all I know is it has something to do with bananas) has also always been as open with me as possible. But still, it is hard to know someone you've never met. I know he saw me after I was born. I've seen a picture of him holding me, but thats it. When I was around 12 I found out he had had a daughter with his second wife. I was so excited. I finally had what I think every little girl wants... a sister. I only got to be excited for a short period of time when I realized since I never met him, I would most likely never meet her. I tried to avoid asking Bana about his daughter so I wouldn't put her in a wierd position. But I thought about it alot. Good thoughts and bad thoughts. What was she like, did we look alike, did she know about me, why he stuck around for her not me, was she prettier, a better baby, did having her make him wonder about me, etc. When we finally found her through the miracle of facebook this winter, I was so excited. Itwas fun to see how much we really are alike. Our personalities are so similar and so are our interests. I am not sure we look a whole lot alike. At first I didn't even think about him when we were talking. Now I know he knows about us talking and I want to know what he is thinking. Does he know he should be a grandfather? Does he wonder if I am happy? Does he want ot know if I look like him or how about my kids? It is so confusing.

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