Tuesday, May 19, 2009

What was I thinking..

So I am really prego now and have at least 6 more weeks to go. I am nauseous again and have no appetite. I am not sleeping more then a couple of hours and my hips are popping out of place every time I move. I can't breathe and I am trying to keep up with two crazy girls and a newly walking 1 year old. All I want to do is sleep and curl up in a bawl. I feel like such a horrible mom. Between this pregnancy, My last one and the miscarriage, I have been prego for 19 of the last 24 months. I am getting a separate bed from my husband. I need a break! I love my kids but this is crazy. I have enjoyed watching them rub my belly and trying to feel for the baby. Yesterday the little girl inside me went crazy. My whole belly shook for like 5 seconds. Brooke was cuddling me at the time and felt it. She never moved but her eyes went wide open and she looked at me like "was that normal". I told her the baby was so excited she was laying with us that she was doing a dance. Brooke loved it. Natalie is so proud she tells everyone about how she's getting a new baby sister and that she is going to help mommy. Poor John Micheal wants to be held right now when he's teething but 33 lbs on my 20 pound stomach is too much for me. So we hang out on the floor a lot. I am so excited to see what this one's going to look like. Just a few more weeks.....

Monday, May 4, 2009

My first Delivery

The second part of motherhood that moms don't tell each other is about the delivery. Labor is not just painful and stressful, its crazy. I'm about to have me fourth and I still feel that I have no idea what's going to happen. I had my first three children at a birth center and midwives did the delivery. Yes it is all very hippyish but a really wonderful experience at the end. Of course my mom was the one who introduced me to the Birth Center. She had a friend go there and really fell in love with the whole idea. When I was pregnant I was ready to take any advice I could get from her so that was where I went. The midwives were amazing and it really felt like a family. Natalie came a week late.....well I was in labor for the whole week up until I had her so I went into labor on time but it took awhile for her to bless us with her presence. My contractions were five minutes apart and lasted a minute for 5 days. When the "active" labor kicked in, I thought I just had an upset stomach and was heading to the bathroom. Then I realized in came in waves and even though I was going to be sick, there was a baby coming. I woke John up and told him I think it's time. He asked me if I was sure and after the week we had been through, I wasn't. So we headed for the bathroom, he ran me a hot bath to help with the pain while i juggled between nausea and stomach cramps. Some how my mom from 2 floors up (we lived in my parents basement apartment) heard us up and came running down. She took one look at me shaking on the toilet and told john to take me to the Birth Center(TBC) now! I still wanted to get in the bathtub but was told that i was leaving now. I vomited the whole way. By the time i got to the birth center I was 6cm and 50 % effaced. They have these awesome Jacuzzi tubs at TBC. I insisted on getting in until it was time to have her. By the time the tub was done filling I was 8 cm but I had heard that the warm water took away the pain so I was getting in there. Two second after I am butt naked in the tub, my mother in law comes in to check on me. It was amazing how much I didn't care I was naked when the pain got that bad. The midwife came back in 2 minutes after that and said "your pushing!", I said " I can't help it". So I was half carried, half dragged back to the room and after pushing for about half an hour out came our first beautiful little girl. The whole process was just over 4hrs. It might sound pretty routine for a Birth Center delivery, but it was not at all what I had been expecting. The people did everything they were supposed to do, but my body....... it was confused. Why was I throwing up during labor? Didn't my body know we were working on getting things out the other end? And before I got in the tub, I was passing out between contractions. I mean all the way asleep between 2 minute contractions. Who sleeps then? My water never broke. She was about to come out in the bag of waters and finally the midwife asked if we wanted it broken. Of course! I didn't want my baby born in a balloon! And finally the pain......ya it's bad and all but more then that, it is an indescribable feeling. Awkward pain that is knife like but muscle crampy and burning fire all at once. There was no way to make it easier. But the minute she came out....it was all gone. It was like this miracle had happened and the pain was never there but it was all worth it . And then part they don't tell you about. The Placenta. Just was you are enjoying looking at this beautiful baby and falling in love, the pain starts all over again. You have to deliver another 5 pound object and this one you don't get to keep, nor would you want to. This one doesn't smile or cry or make everything wonderful. Just a blob that goes in the trash. Not worth the pain at all. I am almost tempted to make a video of this next delivery so I can warn my daughters about everything I didn't know. It would probably be great for abstinence teaching.... so maybe one other good thing will come out of the pain.