Tuesday, September 29, 2009

My Two Dads

I wrote a book with that title for a project in 5th grade. Explanation is that my dad isn't my birth father. Most of my friends know that my parents were married before and Kevin is not my biological father. You would never know it though if you saw us together. We don't look identical but not too different either. Its more the way we act. When we are getting along, we're great. When we are disagreeing it can get ugly. Mostly because we are so alike it ticks each other of so much. He has never treated me as anything less then his daughter. He adopted me when I was... well old enough to remember the adoption certificate coming to the post office. Still I am amazed at how many of my personality traits come from him though I would have rather inherited his tanning abilities. I mean the man looks Puerto Rican after 1/2 an hour in the sun. I don't know much about my birth father. I mean I know him about as well as you can know a character in a book. That is what he feels like to me. A fictional chracter. My mom has always been willing to talk about him, and amazingly it has been all good if you take away the part about him takeing off. I also know my biological grandparents and aunts. My grandmother (I call her Bana..don't ask because all I know is it has something to do with bananas) has also always been as open with me as possible. But still, it is hard to know someone you've never met. I know he saw me after I was born. I've seen a picture of him holding me, but thats it. When I was around 12 I found out he had had a daughter with his second wife. I was so excited. I finally had what I think every little girl wants... a sister. I only got to be excited for a short period of time when I realized since I never met him, I would most likely never meet her. I tried to avoid asking Bana about his daughter so I wouldn't put her in a wierd position. But I thought about it alot. Good thoughts and bad thoughts. What was she like, did we look alike, did she know about me, why he stuck around for her not me, was she prettier, a better baby, did having her make him wonder about me, etc. When we finally found her through the miracle of facebook this winter, I was so excited. Itwas fun to see how much we really are alike. Our personalities are so similar and so are our interests. I am not sure we look a whole lot alike. At first I didn't even think about him when we were talking. Now I know he knows about us talking and I want to know what he is thinking. Does he know he should be a grandfather? Does he wonder if I am happy? Does he want ot know if I look like him or how about my kids? It is so confusing.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Relief Society Broadcast

Last Saturday night I attended a broadcast for the women in my church. It was so great to sit and listen to a message that really put into perspective the importance women have in the world and in the family. Sometimes as a mom I feel so helpless listening to the news and hearing about the countless children in the world who are abused, neglected, or exploited. It hurts so bad thinking there is nothing I can do to help ease their pain. I hurts seeing the hate that is in the world and the way people treat each other so poorly. I mean my outlook on life has really gone down the tubes. But hearing the messages like the ones I heard, remind me of what my role is. It is my job to raise my children in love and teach them how to treat others. Teach them the importance of having Christ in their hearts so their actions can make the world around them a little better. And if every mom could have such pride in their role in their children's lives we would have a better world. The talks also reminded me that it doesn't take huge acts to change a life. Its the small things that make the difference. For all the women who don't have children, the message was the same. One woman can make a huge difference in so many people lives. They can teach, serve, and help in so many ways. In a world where most women, let alone a stay at home mom, is not really idolized, it felt good to hear I my job is invaluable.
But more amazing then all that is the part of the message that I felt spoke directly to me. That when we are at our lowest points, it is then that we should serve others. We we feel we have nothing we should give. Thinking of others instead of ourselves. How quickly our own outlook can improve when we serve others.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Why the Disney Princesses ruined us Women.

My girls are down stairs watching Beauty and the Beast right now and I was listening to the song the Gaston sings in the Pub. And then it hit me. Disney is the reason that women have such poor taste in men.Seriously, Belle's choice in husbands is between a pompous but handsome jerk that all the girls in village are after and a guy who was so spoiled a witch had to go and turn him into a beast to teach him a lesson. What does that teach little girls? All guys are grouchy, hairy, and ill-mannered but its OK because you can change them into princes who will worship you. Next is Snow White. She has to run away to escape from her evil step mother and marries a princes she met once before, after living with seven other men first. I don't even have to go into what that infers. And what about Cinderella. She teaches us marry the first rich guy you meet who can dance and likes your shoes. Then there's Princess Jasmine who teaches us to ignore all your parents rules and marry whoever you want even if he lies to you about everything. Ariel and Jasmine are pretty close in love lessons but Ariel doesn't even care if her husband is the same species. She says you should change to be whatever he wants you to be.
And men wonder why we are so crazy. They can blame Walt Disney.

Friday, September 18, 2009

My Happiest Moment

I was thinking about how crazy life is this morning and wondering is there a time in my life I wish I could go back to? You know, that happiest moment. Like some people wish they could go back to high school days, their favorite summer vacation, or even back to playing in the sand box days. I realized that there is no other moment then now that I would really reather be in. No matter how complicated, crazy, frustrating, or overwhelming it all gets, now is still better. I've learned more, loved more, cried more, and even been more in the last few years then all the 20 years before that put together. I truelly have my best friend next to me everyday and all the other problems and trials seems so much less important because of it.

Wednesday, September 2, 2009

It's a boy thing

So I have discovered that my son is Bam-Bam. I mean right out of Flintstone land, Bam-Bam. He loves to bang, break, yell, and crash. I guess it's a boy thing because my girls never went through this. But just like his cartoon chracter counterpart, he knows when he has to be gentle. When he is near his little sister, he is the sweetest, gentlest little man ever. He uses two fingers to rub her head and moves very slowly to kiss her. The girls aren't even that gentle. I guess it's a boy thing.