Being a Grown-up

Today I realized that when my birthday comes I will closer to 30 then 20. Yuck! And I keep wondering if that is when I'll start feeling like a grown-up? Is there an official day you feel like an adult or does it just kind of creep up on you? As of right now I still feel like that akward 11 year old girl who is old enough to wear a bra but her mom still puts her in lacy socks. Do we ever get past those moments or do they stick with us forever? I went to a birthday party for my friend from high-school's son. We actually weren't that close in high school, became friends kinda during senior year, but have talked more since we are some of the few our age who have kids. Anyways, I had a blast there but in the back of my mind I still wonder if I looked like a dork, or maybe the crazy girl with 4 kids, or if I just look like that akward 5th grader again. I just want to know if I'm ever gonna stop caring about the popularity thing? I mean I've given birth 4 times, bought and sold a house, bought cars, graduated, college, worked as a nurse for a few years, currently working on starting a business with my husband, and still don't feel like what I expect a grown-up should feel like. Maybe I never will.

Tomorrow

You ever have those days when you can't wait for tomorrow? When you feel like a failure in every way thats its important to be great? I hate those days. I have had a lot of them lately. I am not the fun smart mom I should be. My poor husband who is working 70-80 hour weeks has had to take the worst dinners to work this week. I mean I have litterly handed him a can of soup for diner. Bleh! Tonight I thought it would be great to have chipped-beef- and-gravy with biscuits for dinner. Turned out way better in my head. I love southern food but biscuits out of a can ruined it. It's been two day since i did my hair or put on make-up. I miss sleep more then anything else right now and a million things keep going wrong with my health. Normal boring sick stuff but I am tired of it. And to top it off I am swiping my kid's candy from Halloween. All the good stuff....I ate it. I keep saying "Tomorrow wil be better. I'll do it right tomorrow. We'll do crafts, I'll ccok and look great doing it!" Then another night of little sleep slips by and all I want to do is take a really great nap. Chloe has been one of the happiest babies i have ever experienced. She radiates pure joy. But she hardly sleeps. We are going on day 3 of no naps and up every 1 1/2 hours at night. She has learned to roll over and is not happy when she flips to her back, but she does it all night long. And I know I am supposed to let her cry it out a little longer but I am so afraid she'll wake up the other kids. Hardwood floors upstairs = bad idea. I just want Natalie to stop asking "Can we do something fun today?" It makes me feel like everyday is boring. John Michael has also given up on naps. We get maybe a half hour. I know he's teething but this is way tougher then it was with the girls. At least he's too cute to stay frustrated with. Maybe tomorrow......

Smoke Free

So I was all for the smoking bans in public places. I mean did they really think it worked to just have us on opposite sides of the restaurant and that somehow the air would clean itself before it got over to the non-smoker side of the building? No. But now, even though they go outside, I have to walk through the smoke to go inside and then back through the smoke to leave. I hate it. I smell like smoke the whole time. Plus to top it off, I have to walk my kids through it. I think the next time I actually have the money to take the whole family out to dinner i am gonna get gas masks for the kids to wear as we walk past the smokers. Maybe they will be offended but.....I didn't ask for cancer, and how many thousands die each year from second hand smoke? And besides all the breathing it in stuff, now that everyone smokes outside so much more, I swear the gutters are completely full of cigarette butts instead of just half-way. Why do people think that is okay, to just throw trash on the ground? I am sorry if this comes off as rude.... but no I am not really.