Saturday, April 18, 2009

What no one ever told me about being a mom

I was watching Oprah the other day and it was all about the Secret lives of moms. Ya, like we have secret lives... anyways they were discussing all the things that no one tells you about motherhood. I would just like to start with all the things they don't tell you about pregnancy. Of course I knew about the stretch marks and the wieght gain. I heard your boobs get big and your skin looks clear, but what about the pregnancy farts. I am on pregnancy number 4 and I am still amazed and the noises that come out of my body and I have no control over them! My girls call it mommy making ducks. Everyone thinks this is hilarious ( hubby included) except me. I want to cry. I am a very private person, to the point that I only like going to the bathroom when noone is home or everyone is asleep. I sound like a 95 year old woman walking around the house. The worst is when it happens when I am going up the stairs because then it happens with every step I take. Yes, I would like to cry. Second, the brown line that some people get going down their stomache (the linea negra) I don't get it. Instead I get a happy trail. Yeah me! Now it's not as bad as a mans happy trail but still.... a hairy line down my stomache! I might not be able to control the gas but I will bleach my big pregnant stomache. John keeps telling me the baby's going to come out with blonde hair. Third, big boobs are fine but size 38 ff and growing...breast overload. I hear no complaints from the husband department, until after I am done breastfeeding, but man these suckers hurt. And the really cool part is I can only buy bras big enough at Babies R Us. Sexy huh? So instead of being beautiful with child, I turn into a fat hairy fart machine with overly large breasts who gets her undies from a store that also sells diapers, wipes, and baby clothes. And yet my husband still wants to .....what every man wants to do ON A DAILY BASIS. True love!!!!

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