Finding Role Models

                One of a mother's greatest fears is that we don't know what we are doing and that we are going to mess up. We worry that we are the only ones who either didn't get the secret "How to be an Amazing Mom" handbook, or even worse, that there is no handbook, and we are the only ones who have no idea what we are doing. Even after 6 children, I still feel clueless. As if parenthood wasn't hard enough, each child is so different that the parenting tactics that were so effective with one child are suddenly worthless with the next.
    But I found a secret weapon!
            As a teenager, I had a rather grim opinion of motherhood. I figured it was something women just did to be normal. It was just part of life. I wasn't able to see any benefits to motherhood but I could see a ton of negatives.
           There was a woman at my church who had eight children.  I'll call her Mrs. S. Her oldest was my age. With my bleak outlook on parenting as a whole, I had a rather poor opinion of her as a person. I figured that no sane person would purposely have nine children and that she must not have been educated enough to know about birth control. Fast forward four years and I was lost in the throws of motherhood, the only one of my friends married and the first to have a baby. When my daughter was 3 months old, Mrs. S had baby number 9. She called me up out of the blue one day and asked me to come over and give her some advice. Of course, I was very confused as to what advice me, a new mom, could possibly give to someone with so much more experience. When I arrived at her home and we finished oohing and aahing over each others babies, she told me about some problems she was having breastfeeding and wanted to know if I had any ideas.
           Over the last 8 years, Mrs. S has become one of my closest friends and greatest resources. I visit her weekly if possible. Every one of her children are not only well behaved, kind, and successful in their own right, but each one of them knows how much their parents love them.  Our girls have become best friends and even my son has found friendship with her sons. I soak up every bit of advice she has to give and watch her every move. I ask questions about about how and why she does things. I share my experiences with her and see if there is any way to put her parenting tactics to use in my own home. She helps me work through problems by giving me a spectators point of view.
           There are many other mothers in my life that I constantly preen advice from. I question all of them without judgement and take what advice I think will work for my family. I found that that is my secret "How To be an Amazing Mom", handbook: my collections of friends and their advice.
         That day eight years before had been more for my benefit then for Mrs. S. By asking for my help, Mrs. S had given me my first bit of self esteem as a mother. She made me feel that I had something to give, that maybe, just maybe, I might know how to be a mom. I hope to be able to pass on the favor.

           

Breastfeeding moms Kicked out by the mall cops

Local moms Were Harassed by Security for Breastfeeding at the mall
                    When I saw this article appear on  Facebook and that it had happened at my local mall, my first reaction was to get angry. I have never attended a nurse-in and I am not sure I ever would, but I do appreciate the efforts of those who are trying to make nursing more normal. I guess for be its not so much about wanting to nurse in public, but feeding my kid when they are hungry without having to hang out in a bathroom. I prefer to do it in private! But neither of our malls has a nice room where a mom can sit, not next to a toilet, have privacy and not have to leave the mall when they baby cries for food. I would never whip out my boob. I always cover up and look for a private place, but if another mom chooses to feed in a different way I don't think they should be treated like it was a vulgar act.

                   As a mom, I can't just not be able to feed a baby because somebody thinks that breast feeding is offensive. I have seen a lot more offensive things happening in a mall. No one calls the mall cops on the teenage boy with his pants around his knees for no good reason, or the girls with skirts so short I can see they are wearing a thong when they bend over. That is gross and offensive. Even obscene. But it's considered "normal". Breast feeding should be too. I don't know any woman who doesn't prefer a quite private place to put their feet up and nurse, but that's not usually how life works out. A woman shouldn't be punished for choosing to not use a bottle, which is fine to use anywhere. 

                I have ALWAYS kept myself covered up and always put others feelings first when I nursed. I have nursed in tons of bathroom stalls just to keep my nursing private. That's just how I am. I just don't think that a mom nursing a baby is something that should have been handled by cops or that the women should have been asked to leave. Society can't say it bothers them to see it when a mom nurses but it is perfectly fine when they walk out to a food court and see all the half dressed people hanging out there, or walk past Victoria's secret and have to see a 12 foot tall poster of a woman wearing nothing but a thong. 

               I think the real problem is that people can't separate the sexual nature of breast vs. feeding a baby. It's just that. Feeding a baby. It shouldn't be made into anything more. We are really the only country that makes it such a big deal. Like I said, I am always respectful so I don't make anyone else uncomfortable..... Which usually leaves me in very uncomfortable places to feed a baby. Often feeling like I was being punished for nursing. Which is ridiculous. I really shouldn't have to feed a baby in a public bathroom or run out to my car in the middle of shopping, or hide behind bushes at the zoo. I use a cover. That should be good enough. If people were more respectful on both sides it would be a lot easier. No nursing mother should just whip it out. It's still a breast.

The most annoying questions...

I have 5 kids..... yes, 5. I know to most sane people in the world that sounds like a lot, but to me, it's just a number. I have crazy days filled with way more laundry then I care for, weekly grocery store trips, and a dishwasher that never stops running... but doesn't every mom? No matter how many kids you have, your schedule is full of things to do to take care of your family. To me, 5 kids is my normal. So it really bothers me when I am out running my errands and I get asked, at least twice, "Are they all yours?"
Really? Do you really think that I am volunteering to take the neighborhood kids with me to to see my daughter get an x-ray? Maybe your suggesting I am sponsoring an educational field trip to Walmart? Or do you think I am collecting these kids from unfit parents around the store? Possibly you think the mall has a new daycare facility and I am taking the kids for a walk?
Almost worse then the stupid question is the blank stares I get as people stop what they are doing, count my kids and then just look at me.... "Yes....?"
It's 5 people, not 50. 5 well behaved, loveable, and cute kids, and unless I ask you to pay my grocery bill, don't give me the "holy crap" stare.

Cute Modest clothes

So I have a really hard time trying to find clothes I really love and that fit my church's modesty standards. So I have been looking around and most of the girls at church layer their clothes and it looks really great. However, I have a large upper body and the more layers I wear, the more my shoulders look like I have built in shoulder pads. Dresses seem to be the hardest to find. Some of the "dresses" that I see are really just stretched out shirts.
Bathing suits also being an issue, I found http://www.hapari.com/